Full House
by Scarlet Saint
Summary: The Hikari's decide that the only way for their Yami's to get along is for them to live with each other in their friend Alicia's house considering its size (sounds better than summery and you decide the pairing)
1. Default Chapter

SS: yay! ze great Scarlet Saint has started a new comedy story except this one will be funny in the beginning! 8D  
TBakura: about time female….so what is this one about?  
SS: sry Kura-sama but you'll have to read the summery and also I dun own yugioh (I may forget to type that so just remember) also here is a poll to see who will our OC fall in love with!

Yami no Yugi

Yami no Bakura

Yami no Malik

Malik

Yugi

Ryou

(you chose in the review)

Although I have already picked the dude!  
TB: O.o then why are you asking the readers?  
SS: v.v cause maybe if like a million ppl want this one dude then I may change the couple!  
TB: and whom have you picked?  
SS: 8D sry kura-sama but I cannot tell!  
TB: -.- +

Streets of Domino

Alicia

Man life on the prairie sucks!

Although I don't live on a prairie…..not to mention that there is no sand here or flesh eating little animals that seems cute and cuddly until they give you the finger in hopes to lure you in their evil trap so that they may one day use us all as slaves. In that case the prairie does suck not to mention all the expectancies to spell things correctly, oh please peeps since when does spelling depend on your lives?

Then again it just may considering the teacher we have at Domino High.

Yeah I go to that retarded school with their lack of fashion sense. Seriously who wears pink AND blue together! It just looks nasty… that's why I chose to wear the school uniform. Oh yeah also this school is the weirdest of them all, we have 3 evil spirits and 3 hosts of evil spirits. You see they all wanted to fight this one spirit (Atem) who is actually an ancient pharaoh who did and is saving the world.

Although there is also one who is really hott, a king of thieves infact… I believe that his real name is Akefia but he prefers us to just call him Bakura which in turn makes us call his host Ryou.

The other is even hotter than the last, he is Yami no Malik. Personally I would like him to have a much shorter name but not the same name as his Hikari, Malik. Malik is also very hott. Oh how I would love to ask one of the three out (Yami no Bakura, Yami no Malik, and Malik). Although Yami no Bakura doesn't even know I exist (well he does considering that I was with Yugi and the gang since duelist kingdom and through battle city… it still baffles me at how Yami no Malik survived) , and Yami no Malik still isn't going to school, counseling and all.

And then there is Malik, he is pretty normal.

My friends say I should ask him out but personally he is the type to fall for a pretty face and I am most certainly NOT pretty. I have shoulder length chestnut hair and hazel eyes not to mention that I haven't been in the gym for awhile. No I am not _fat_ but I am just sliding by with my weight (as in that it is _exactly _on the 'how fat you can should get at 17 when you are 5'4" scale') so I am not considered fat… but my self image is pretty low.

Most see me as weird, hell even I baffle at myself for my odd outburst and ranting of chickens being up ducted by barn yard cows who are bent on ruling us all with their mighty hold on their pure milk which in turn forces us to make the cheese with out milk or some how use ze milk wisely.

Damn cows….

To hell…

Tee hee hee…

Uh yeaaaahh… Anyway I even surprise myself. Luckily school is finally over and a weekend in my huge house (oh yeah… forgot to mention… parents…successful…you get it)…. All by myself…..once again….alone…. in an erie house….basking in the lonely darkness…..people from the light do convince me to go outside…and yet I prefer the darkness..

AH HELL I AM AS LONLEY AS DATELESS PERSON ON A SATURDAY WHO DOES NOT WANT TO LOOK BAD BY TAKING THEIR COUSIN TO THE PROMBUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE NO ONE KNOWS THEIR COUSIN SO THERE IS NO NEED FOR EMBARASSMENT!...despite that at this point you be doing the waltz with your cousin..

Honestly the waltz is the only form of dance that I know……

Yeah.. I need a life..

So as I approach the barren house hold with a slow pace. The least amount of time it takes me to get there, the better….

"Huh?"

Well apparently my home isn't so barren and lost…and cold….and devoid of monkeys…. DUDE I WANT A MONKEY!...to play with……to put into the pot….to cook with……to give him a tour of the kitchen….to play with….

In front of me stood three dudes…..hansel,grettle and the little pig that went we we we all the way home…. Has anyone noticed that he pissed in his pants…. ALL the way home…

Malik, Yugi, and Ryou.

"Uh hey Alicia", waved Malik.

"Sup?...all of you?"

"Well", Ryou fidgeted his feet cutely, "we all have this idea to make out darker halves…._cooperate _with one another.."

"Cooperate? Ryou your Yami lunged at Atem just for standing by… _his air_.."

Ryou chuckled at the memory but when Yugi gave him a stern look that said 'Alright bitch you better stop laughing at my man cause once I get that sex change he is MINE!'

O.O evil little midget aren't ya?

"Anyway", Yugi began, " we thought that if we put them all together in one place that just maybe they will have no choice but to work it out, although since we are a part of our Yami's and I am the only one who has not trouble regaining control of mine I was wondering if we could use your house to put them all together in."

O.O

"Say what?"

" Wait", Malik calmed, " I can also regain control of my Yami , fairly well, we will be able to help you and I know that you keep your silver ware hidden because of the _Christmas incident_, which by the way I am so sorry for, but what I am trying to say is that you will be perfectly safe."

Damn that hott Malik with his calm words and sexy body and soothing voice….AH HELL!

"Fine, so when will you be moving in?"

They all then held up bags that were apparently on the group without me noticing…damn self for not noticing the world around me.

"Now!", they said in unison.

I sighed and shook my head in pity…..hey its only for a couple of months… (or years -.-) and they did say that I would be safe…. What can go wrong?


	2. Sqeaky clean Atem

Alicia's House  
Alicia

I sighed and shook my head in pity…..hey its only for a couple of months… (or years -.-) and they did say that I would be safe…. What can go wrong?

Damn why do I ask the most obvious stuff?

I mean we a can all see that this will all end up in utter mayhem next to destruction. Wait do the Yami's even know anything about tech? Well Atem might ,maybe Bakura and Yami no Malik as well considering that they managed to work the duel disks without burning or singing themselves causing mass panic at burnt hair gel that manages to stay up even at the altitude that they were in at Alcatraz not to mention all the random panic and chaos that they cause and they STILL have good hair!

IS THAT EVEN FAIR?

Hey wait where are the guys?

O.O ah crappers! THEY WENT INTO MY HOUSE! Please oh Ra please please please tell me that they haven't turned into their Yami's yet!

" THE HELL IS THAT FAGGOT OF A PHARAOH DOING IN HERE?"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME LOW CLASS? I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD!"

" SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS PHARAOH THIS IS NOT EGYPT YOU HAVE NO RULE OVER ME!"

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY SPIRIT-WHO-ISN'T-EVEN-A-REAL-YAMI!"

Ah crapping poodles..

Why me? Wait….WHY MY HOUSE! Quickly I rushed into my house hoping to see a nice clean home that was untouched by the evil spirits that are bent of saving/taking over the world trying to see who can shove Atem into the dishwasher and/or sink…..

I wouldn't doubt it if they did..

Although Ra doesn't love me soooo…. Unfortunately I was right about the dishwasher….yanno he does kinda fit, maybe I can ask him to get rid of those left over food stuffs that just randomly appear on the plates after being washed… damn those soap bottles that say that they get all the germs and grime out but then lie to me in the end and I just call them to complain and some how along the way I get into how nice they once were in the depression rant rant rant….then I get back into the soap where I realize that I forgot to add the soap in the first place which in turn makes it my fault but then I sue the company for sexual harassment….over the phone….

Why not, I never lose?

"EXCUSE ME ALICIA, I HATE TO INTERUPPT YOUR RANTATION BUT HELLLLP!"

Blink…?

I looked to see that Bakura and Yami no Malik had successfully stuffed Atem into the dishwasher….and were now trying to put the soap in…

O.O

Next thing I knew I did something stupider than when I went into the suncoast that I was apparently banned from to only see that they threw me out and still I go back inside to annoy the crazy dude at the counter….. I be so reckless.. OH YEAH! What I did! I grabbed Yami no Bakura by his elbow which in turn made him drop throw the soap into the air and landed on Yami no Malik's head…

Holy crumpet poodles..

"Eheh sorry?"

Yami no Malik then turned to glare at me, " Who the hell are you woman?"

"Uhh I live here and so do you.."

"What? Explain yourself!"

Impatient Bitch ain't he?

I sighed, "Your _good_ halves all thought that it would be nice to get away from home for awhile and have you take over.."

Please buy it!...

Ah hell he is probably ten times smarter than me! I sooooo bet that he knows!

"Damn that retarded hikari of mine!", I turned to face Yami no Bakura with a small yet apprehensive glare.

"Hey Ryou is not a retard unlike you and all THREE of you are staying here until further notice!"

"Oh and you can stop me alone?", Advanced Yami no Malik.

Damn me and my stupid mouth that causes all my troubles! SCREW ALL POSSUMS FOR I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO BLAME OTHER THAN THE FURRY CREATURES THAT KEEP ON APPEARING ON THE ROAD AT RANDOMS TIMES WHICH IN TURN COULD CUASE A STUPID ASS ACIDENT THAT COULD GET ME INTO BIGGER TROUBLE WITH THE POLICE THAN I ALREADY AM!

Police says that next time I will be on the wanted list..

Damn..

Although before Yami no Malik could get any closer and do who knows Ra what? Atem stood in front of me…_protecting_ me..

"Look", he started, "the grudge is against me don't involve anyone else!"

Bakura just chuckled at his antics, "Protecting the lady hm?"

Damn it! I hate being treated as a weak woman!

Yami no Malik mere smirked at what Atem said next, " YES!"

THE BASTARD I CAN SO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!

Both beings smirked and walked off, " Tch, whatever pharaoh I think you will get a much bigger punishment from someone other than me or this tomb robber."

Bakura merely scoffed at Yami no Malik's _tomb robber_ sarcasm and walked away carrying their bags. OK Atem you are so dead!

"Don't worry", he turned around, " as long as I am here I will protect y-"

His sentence was cut short as I threw the soap bottle directly into his face.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR I JUST SAVED YOU?"

"Bastard! I can take care of myself just because they are all powerful spirits who can send someone to hell in the blink of an eye gives you no reason to intervene!"

He then just stood there with a look that said, 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WOMAN THAT IS A GOOD REASON! RA! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST STAY IN YOUR MOTHER!'

Bastard..

Being pissed and all I walked out of the room leaving the almighty pharaoh to bask in his defeat!


	3. Oddly shaped soap

Alicia's house

Yami no Bakura

Damn it! What in Ra's name is my hikari thinking!

Get away from home?

Psh, like that bitch was telling the truth. Honestly I don't know why that light even bothers to try! It's a lost cause! ALL THREE OF US IN ONE HOUSE? RIDICULOUS! Then again, I smirked, maybe this is a perfect chance to get the items.

Although not all of them are here!

" Tch, whatever pharaoh I think you will get a much bigger punishment from someone other than me or this tomb robber", Yami no Malik uttered.

Now that is something true. Although must he call me tomb robber? I AM A KING OF THEIVES NOT SOME LOWLY PICK POCKET…..er! With that I leave the room of the pharaoh to now finally feel the pain of wash products thrown at him by a psychotic female who seems to have SOMEKIND of backbone.

That's good, I need all the _sane _people I can get.

Hm, then again she isn't that bad looking, a bed servant would be a fitting job.

It would show her place and not to mention remind me what it is like to be a man. With that thought I started to laugh out loud giving the tomb keeper a very contagious twitch.

"Ra damn it Bakura! We haven't even dueled the pharaoh and NOW you are starting the evil laugh?"

I turned to face him with a fierce glare upon my face.

Such an ass hole he is.

"Don't worry _tomb keeper_ the pharaoh is a mere step away from victory and YOU!...are not even half a step?"

DAMN IT NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO LOSE DRAMATIC INFLUENCE OVER OTHERS I BLAME THIS HOUSE! IT IS MUCH TOO BIG FOR ONE PERSON!

Then again there is more than one person living here as of now.

"PAH! You cannot even get your threats strait and besides do you realize how many times you have died? I only died ONCE but then mystifially came back because of the many spells emitting from rabid fan girls that wish to sell my garments on EBay!"

"I have TWICE as many fan girls than you have you not noticed that the fan fictions of you are very much limited?", I growled.

Damn stupid ass tomb keeper better stay away from my ring!

But wait we both are evil so he maybe thinking the same thing at this very moment! He may want the sennen ring as much as I want the sennen rod! MUST BE OUT OF CHARACTER!

"Ponies in little fairy patches come to reside in the forest as the gnomes of south Africa come to sprinkle fairy…sand.. all over our heads so that we will be able to sleep and time will be in order!"

"O.o"

Now I know he must be thinking the same thoughts as me! I wanted to go up stairs and he is sprinting towards the stair case! GASP! What if he wants the room with the double window? By Ra I must never let that happen!

The pharaoh can wait but when someone goes for the double window set that is personal!

Despite that we didn't have double window sets in Egypt….nor have I ever seen a double window… BUT THAT DOES NOT STOP ME FROM TAKING WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE!

With that thought ranting still in my ever so sexy head I managed a sprint to my rightfully destined window!

Kitchen

Yami (Atem)

What….the…..bloody….HECKLES!

I just saved her life and she throws soap at me? RA! WOMEN ARE IDOIOTS!...Then again if I become gay then I will fulfill the many drooling story genres of the crazy/obsessed/psychotic fan girls that stalk my closet just to get samples of my bed drool or record my snoring!

Not that I snore..

The pharaoh is perfect…

Yes….let us go with that..

"Now back to that idiotic/poorly dressed/ ungrateful/ Disrespectful/ annoying/crazy/psychotic/ immature/ oddly shaped bi-"

Once again that damned soap bottle was thrown directly into my face!

"MY EYES! THEY BUUUUURN!"

"ODDLY SHAPED? YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU SOOOO ASKED FOR THAT!"

Frantically scraping my eyes I still could not see! Damn her! Forget nice and kind pharaoh I shall show my true colors as I did in the first season!

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WOMAN I SAVED YOU! YOU SHOULD BE GROVELING AT MY FEET, FEEDING ME GRAPES! NOT THROWING HARMFUL AND NOT TO MENTION TOXIC SOAP DIRECTLY INTO MY SEXY VIOLET EYES THAT HAVE CAPTURED THE HEARTS OF ALL WOMEN EXCEPT YOU!"

She scoffed, "SOME PHARAOH YOU ARE! And feeding you grapes? HAH! I WONT EVEN FEED YOU A BANANA PEEL UNLESS IT WAS DIGESTED BY BAKURA AND CAME OUT THE OTHER END!"

"You sicko."

"Live with it pharaoh, I know you _love_ me! Oh and BTW the dishwasher is now broken because of you so YOU are doing the dishes and I will PERSONALLY make sure that Bakura and Yami no Malik eat to their fill!"

With that she once again left the room, or at least I think so. Damn soap. Who does she think she is? I do NOT do servant work! I have servants for that! AND I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT _LOVE _HER! I'D RATHER EAT THE BANANA PEEL THAT SHE GIVES ME!

Oh crap, I have to get my room!

Please Ra don't let the one with the double window be taken!


	4. Womanly respect

Alicia's House

Alicia

Whoo!

What a tight ass pharaoh!

No pun intended…yeah I am a pervy person. Then again who isn't? I mean you all should be teens at least. Therefore you are heartless, insensitive, perverted, anime fans! WHOO WE RULE THE WORLD US FANGALS! And or guys.

Yeah.

We all have no lives.

Then again I am probably comparing myself to you which isn't good because I am probably losing potential reviewers that I really need since I only have one review (don't think that I'm not grateful :D) and not to mention that the world is in peril because the trees are decreasing therefore resulting in no more duel monster cards and then the pharaoh will be REALLY outdated in face they may put an expiration date on him and all my troubles will die in a hole in a fire.

Yeah.

That's the stuff.

Yami in a hole in a fire.

"Hah! I'd like to see his hair gel save him then!"

"Tch. You are not alone human."

I literally jumped in surprise.

"Holy crapping fluterin flies! The hell you doing that surprise out of nowhere stuff yo!"

Blink.

Twitch.

Holds up fly swatter.

"Whoa dude!", I eased. "There are no flies I just be joking dontcha know?"

"Hmph."

I sighed, "Well what do you want spirit?"

He smirked and then started to walk towards me.

"You are the only woman here so you should cook for me."

"Excuse me I _should _cook for you? You sexist bastard!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME WOMAN?"

Uhhhh…Yeha... he actually goes to the gym…and he is strong….and he is willing to kill me and his look says 'You ingnoranus bitch yes ignorANUS! I know where you live and I am so willing to throw you in the garbage disposal so fast that you intension span would never catch up to the shock!'

Soon I felt my body coarse with pain as my lower back felt as though a vein snapped in half.

Which if in the back is not good considering the whole spinal cord thingy.

I stared into his eyes that were not so far away from mine. Damn it what do I do? Obey him and lose all womanly respect for myself or die and still lose all womanly respect for myself for how I did not fight back.

Damn him for being hott.

Crap now I just lost all womanly respect for myself.

His face drew closer as my blush probably became redder. Crappers, what now? He was about to speak until he let go of me and clutched his head in pain. The hell? Wait. That means Malik is fighting for control! Aw. He's trying to save me. :D maybe this will result in an undying love that we shall cherish and care for many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many hundreds of years!

Cute.

"Um, Alicia? Are you ok? I really apologize for th-"

" :D THAT'S OK! It be over with right? By the way thanks for saving me and all."

He blushed a little (metal girlish squeal), "No problem."

"Oh sure HE gets thanked when he saves you!"

I turned to see the spoiled little ratty pharaoh that is the cause of so many wars, depressions, crop rotations, triangular trades, Nile floods, loss of land, pollution, date rape, seduction, suicide, evil spirits wanting to kill him, endangering the animal channel, trying to make me watch MTV, cutting, paper, deforestation, forest fires, otto the auto, the traumatizing bunny that makes me want to kill rabid apes that reside in my closet until the next nuclear war!

Yeah.

I don't like royalty.

"Yeah he does, because I was actually in trouble!"

"You were in trouble before!"

" No I wasn't! You just had no confidence in me you faggot of a spirit! I know dead bunnies that could match your standard!"

"That didn't even make sense!"

"Yeah it did you ass!"

Soap bottles are my friends.


	5. Fittish

BlackJackal: wow on your recommendation list 9.9 I be so honored. /bows/

Allisters Oricalchos Vampire: yay! You reviewed me! And yes I did read yer sister story! It be great. Sry I didn't review it my comp. has been bitchin' on meh! Now allow me to continue my redneck ways! (vote!)

All peeps who reviewed me you rock!

POLLS!

Ryou: 1  
Malik:1

Aw come on peeps I need more votes than that but please continue reading and reviewing:D (do you think I own yugioh?)

Alicia's House

Alicia

Who likes soap?

I like soap!

Mmhm, I do I do I doooooo. Yeah I got that from the Keanan and Kel show. To bad its no longer on air. Ah well, that's what happens when you stock up on burger king and suddenly look down to realize that you are applying to play the part of Fat Albert. Sheesh, the movie star life is a numeric one.

How is it numeric? What? You think those peeps need to count?

That's what people like me are hired to do! So if you need someone to count your inventory of marshmallows so that you can use them for a girl scout meet that you will spontaneously crash on Halloween just to be with girl scouts that will most likely wrap you up in toilet paper and call that hospitalization!

Honestly I better not see those women in a hospital.

Although the girl scout cookies could improve the food.

Unless they wait 4 months to use them.

Damn.

The story? What? Am I ranting again? Damn. I'm sorry. Anyway well I'm sure the vast majority of you have realized that I have pulverized Yami no Yugi with a soap bottle. Hey why not? After all I'm sure the pharaoh must be squeaky clean at all times so that he can impress his superiors despite the fact that he is stealing all of his soap and water from the peoples profits so in one sense he isn't impressing anyone but Yami no Bakura and Yami no Malik.

o.o scary thought.

And awkward.

Ah well.

"Uh Heather", a gentle Egyptian voice called (how can I tell if a voice is Egyptian?...well the tan helps), " do you think that maybe we should help Atem?"

I looked to my side to see the great Ramses (spell?) himself battle the bottle that had no arms.

Or legs.

In fact I don't know what he is doing.

"Why?"

"Because he is the pharaoh."

"Why?"

"Because his father before him was the pharaoh."

"Why?"

"Because his father before him was the pharaoh."

"Why?"

"Because his father before him was the pharaoh."

"Why?"

"Because his father before him was the pharaoh."

"Why?"

"Because his father before him was the pharaoh."

"Why?"

"Because his father before him was the pharaoh."

"Why?"

"Because his father before him was the pharaoh."

"Why-"

"OH BLOODY HELL WE GET IT SHE IS JUST PLAYING YOU TOMBKEEPER!"

Both of us turned to meet a very peeved (…hehe…peeved.) white haired yami.

"Hey Kura", I chirped (hey I was raised near a farm!)," do you know why Atem is the pha-"

"Kiss my ass wo-"

He clutched his head in utter pain. Yeah. Unfortunately I am a helper not a hurter. Don't get it? Then get out of my room. Yes you are in my room now children! WAHAHA!

Cough.

Malik and I hesitantly strode over to the dark. I patting his back, why? Because I like his back. Its shiny.

"Bakura are you alright?", Malik asked.

Just then he tilted his head up with a cute dubbed British look. (hey I said dubbed.)

"Oh! I am so sorry for what he said to you both! He should know that language makes me fittish!"

"Fittish?"

"Fittish."

"And what is fittish?"

"A word."

"I realize that Ryou. But **what does it mean**?"

"Oh….. I'm not quite sure. My father said it once."

"Your father said the word fittish? O.o", Malik stared.

"Yup!", Ryou spoke proudly.

"What a country."

"Britain?"

"New Orleans."

"New Orleans isn't even a country."

I stared in shock at the hott Egyptian, "Then that means… on my geography final I ……GOD DAMN IT PHARAOH YOU KNEW THAT NEW ORLEANS WASN'T A COUNTRY!"

"HEY!", Atem shouted (apparently he realize that soap is mans greatest friend….and mine too.). "I TOLD YOU THAT I ONLY KNEW THE WORLD FROM EGYPT TO………LANDS END!"

…

"Atem, Lands End is a store."


	6. And you are?

Alicia's house

Atem

"Atem, Lands End is a store."

"Kinda like how fittish is a real word -.-?"

Ryou then curled up into his little ball that would send any woman to his aid. Times like these make me wish that I was a woman. O.O uh…wait! NO! YAMI FANGIRLS PLEASE COME BACK!

" I MEAN TIMES LIKE THESE I WISH I WAS A MAN! "

"o.o"

"o.o"

"o.O Pharaoh Atem?"

"You mean queen."

I fumed at the girl, "NO! I AM A MAN!"

"-.- then why are you still a virgin? Most kings had concubines of some kind or at least raped their maids…..or butlers…"

"Who the hell would want to rape a butler?"

"Gay rapists", Ryou stated. Obviously he was over my comment, no matter I still have the upper hand.

How?

I am the pharaoh.

…

That isn't enough? Well screw you! SCREW ALL OF YOU! Ahem. I mean friendship is important and should be treasured by those who have friends to treasure and protect from evil spirits that spontaneously were imprisoned in an item and were found 3000 years later (O.o seriously you'd think someone would find a shiny gold object and wear it a little before 3000 years!).

Although I am not a threat.

" -.- almighty pharaoh do you even know what _gay_ is?"

"Of course I do!"

Alicia then managed a fake cough and spoke, "You are a gay ass pharaoh."

"Why thank you my pharaoh ass is very happy!"

"O.o"

"o.o in Britain we would never speak of such things!"

"O.O although in America we would."

What? I don't get it? Is it not right for my royal rear to be righteous?

I like the letter 'r'.

CURSE MY FATHER AKUNAMUKANON TO NAME ME ATEM! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE AN 'R' NAME?

_Because even though he had 3000 years to tell you your name he just couldn't rip off Ramses._

WHO SAID THAT? I swear if it is that person from the insurance place who has a stick up his ass then I will give him a 'Time Out'!

_Is that some sort of special power from the sennen puzzle like 'Penalty Game'?_

Why yes it is. Its where I degrade myself in front of citizens and spank the man until he passes out.

_Can someone pass out due to being spanked?_

Not sure, but I am willing to try.

_-.- you are a gay ass._

Why tha-Hey…that was an insult!

_Do you even know who I am?_

….OF COURSE I KNOW YOU KIM! Kim! From the party right?

_. I'm Yugi, your lighter half who just graduated from fourth grade last week._

Samantha?

_I'M YUGI! HOW COULD YOU FORGET THE ONE PERSON WHO BROUGHT YOU HERE?_

o.o Mom?

:D


	7. Romeo, where art thou?

Alicia's home

Alicia

"Mom? o.o?"

"O.o well put pork on rye and call me berry nelly!"

Ryou and Malik turned to me with faces that can and will be described with the letter 'o'.

O.O?

"What? Since when does Atem ever say the words that ya'll want him to hear?"

"You wanted to hear him say mom?", the ever so adorable Ryou questioned.

"Well sorta, I kinda wanted him to say it in a different position with his arm turned towards me an-"

"o.o whoa whoa I may be a servant of the pharaoh but I'd rather not hear anything that may foreshadow his fate in this story."

"You Yankee pervert!"

"Pervert? I was just sayin' that I wanted to see Atem in utter pain while crying 'mom!' "

What the hell did they think I was talking about? I mean have I not shown my utter dislike of the ancient Egyptian. Seriously peeps he is a hott guy but I can only see heart break in our future.

His heart that is.

Literally.

Hee hee.

What? You think I like him? You asses of readers that you are! Yes as of know I shall talk like manga and anime kenshin dontcha know!(?) That it is Kaoru-dono.

Yur name ain't Kaoru?

Well deal with it, as of now all the people who read this story are called Kaoru. You hate that ho? Well too flickin' bad mah Kamiya friends. As of now your identity belongs to me! FWAHAHAHAA! Cough, snizzle, snizzle, weeeeeeze…

I have algergies….SERIOUSLY!

"That still makes you a pervert!"

"Do you know what we call people like you where **_I _**come from?"

"o.o actually no, how do you say pervert in Egyptian (Arabic)?"

"o.o"

"What?"

"I only know ancient Egyptian."

"So? Not like I care."

"o.o"

"Oh tell us you victim of queen Mab!"

"o.o?", Malik and I both held this face for over five minuets.

"Ryou, why are you quoting from Romeo and Juliet?"

"-.- Because I can't find anymore British stereotypes."

"That's mean Ryou! And it doesn't make much sense either.. "

"You're not even from Britain!"

"Oh and that has stopped all the dubbers of the world? I don't think soooo!"

o.o

Ryou I like ya. Your cute. But I find ya to be a smidgen peculiar. Although I'll let it slide due to the white hair. Then again has anyone noticed that a lot of great anime's tend to have a dude with silver hair. Yu Yu Hakusho, Duel Masters, Vampire Game (manga), Gundam SEED; dudes I could go on.

I gave Ryou a hug.

Oh come on wouldn't you. HE JUST QUOTED FROM ROMEO AND JULIET! How romantic is that….? Despite that he was insulting Malik but either way just mentioning Ryou's dubbed and misguided backround much make at least one of the readers squeal!

Or not.

I have a tendency to lie….especially on Saturdays….despite that in this fic it is Friday…in fact not even one day has passed!

o.o the authoress has lost all track of time…

Ah well, at least Yami has stopped rambling..

Wait.. where is the pharaoh?

VOTE and REVIEW!

Malik: 2  
Ryou: 1


	8. Thongs are stretchy

Alicia's home

PHARAOH ATEM!

I had to get away from them all.

Deep down I just knew their stuipidness was going to rub off on me.

AND IT HAS!

Stupid female, damn hikari who I am suppose to love and protect till the end of time but do you people know how long the end of time is? That's pretty Ra damn long! I mean I understand purposes in life but seriously! Whoever heard of their one purpose in life is to protect a fiery little midget who gets sugar high on sugar-free gum!

How?

How that hell should I know? You're the one in school. What? You're a dropout!

YOU SON OF AN ASS!

Yes I have declared you the son of a donkey….and if you are a woman…well my insult stays the same….

Pharaoh ass says 'In your face!'

I walked upstairs to meet a very loooong series of doors. Damn it which one is mine again? Oh right! It had the double window! While walking across the Matrix2 a door seemed already open. Walk in? No! It's someone's room I just can't walk in on someone's room!

Then again it is pink…therefore it must be Alicia's!

Stupid women and their obvious pink décor. While walking inside I realized something, what am I even looking for? Alicia seems to be a very tricky girl and I highly doubt she would leave it on her bed or something.

Ah wait!

The dresser drawer!

I opened up the dresser and blushed at the sight.

THONGS, THONGS, AND…..boxers?

"PHARAOH WHAT IN RA'S NAME ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!"

I jumped when I heard the voice behind me, YAMI NO MALIK?(!)

"o.o? this is your room?(!)", I practically gagged.

Yami no Malik wears thongs?

His gaze then met the frilly pink thong in his hand, of course like any rude peon he snatched it away. With a cold glare he spoke, "WHY ARE YOU IN HERE?(!)"

"Well I thought this was Alicia's room but apparently I didn't realize one of my fellow darks is gay."

"I AM **NOT **GAY!"

"Then why the pink room and….do I really need to say it?"

He glared but then gave a triumphant smug, "Because pharaoh you are not the only one who wants that female out of here, in fact _for your information _in order to become the enemy you must know the enemy."

"So you went on a panty raid?"

"Just. Shut. Up."

"What the hell are you two doing in he-"

We both turned around to meet the whites of the enemy's eyes.

Yes I know that quote is from George Washington and this is Japan but….I KNOW THINGS!

"Is that a thong!(?) o.o?"

I stepped forward, hey maybe there is still time to be friends, " I'm sorry that this fiend took such a private object from your room but he ju-"

"**MY **room?(!) That thing is NOT mine, I don't even like pink! Or thongs for that matter."

I blinked.

I twitched.

That means.

I turned to face the evil spirit to give him a lecture about homosexual needs and the desire to lie when you really want to act like a girl.

But he wasn't there.

Just vanished…

And locked the door.

That only has a lock on the outside.

With me and Alicia to stay locked in the same room…

00000000000000000000000000000000000000

VOTE!

Yugi: 0

Malik: 2

Ryou: 1

Atem: 0

Yami no Bakura: 0

Yami no Malik: 0

Come on peeps if you have already voted then tell your friends or convice lazy readers to review with the sylvan learning program!

How?

Psh.

Not meh problem :D!

READ AND REVIEW!


	9. I blame you

Rockinmuffin : A true man wears a thong eh? Personally I thought what showed that someone was a man would be commitment, censorship, and hard work! 

Yugi: -.- and this is coming from the artist who draws half naked men every sat-

/tackles yugi/

(BTW thanx for ze muffin)

Alicia's house

Alicia

"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT! WE ARE NEVER GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE! I JUST KNOW THAT WE SHALL ALL DIE WITH A ROOM FULL OF THONGS AND PERVERTED READERS READING OUR EVERY MOVE AND PERVERTED ACTION WHILE WE ROT AND DIE BECAUSE YAMI NO MALIK AND YAMI NO BAKURA ARE ON THE LOOSE THEREFORE WE WILL ALL LOSE BECAUSE **SOMEONE **JUST CAN'T HAVE A GREEN GUEST ROOM SO NOW WE HAVE TO EAT PINK BED SHEETS AND SEMEN UNTIL TIME CONSUMES US AND WE MUST MATE SO THAT THE EARTH SHALL BE POPULATED UNTIL THE DAWN DAWN DAWN DAY WHERE MY FRIENDS WHO SHOULD HAVE COME FOR US SOONER WOULD EVENTUALLY REMEMBER THAT THE RECENT DUELS THAT ARE SOOOOO CHEAP HAVE NOT BEEN WON AND THAT IS WHEN WOMEN SHALL RULE US ALL! SCREW YOU MEN!"

"Atem, one, you are a guy and two what makes you think that we are going to mate, no wait, what makes you think you **can **mate with me?"

He paced rapidly, "Their out there, their out there, their out there!"

"Dude you have to calm down, I mean sure these two are both evil spirits that have been trying to cast their revenge upon you since the dawn of man but have seemingly failed until now because they have us in a position that could lead you and all of Egypt in utter humiliation….oh yeah… I think Yami no Malik didn't know what he was doing so maybe he doesn't know that we are locked in the room, thus letting us be safe for a while."

"Yes, but it is only a matter of time before they figure us out!"

"-.- relax pharaoh dude it will all be good."

Atem sighed irritably and plopped down on the bed, his multicolored hair sprawled across the bed, this would normally make any girl let out an annoying scream (Anzu /twitch/) but not me! I'm just not too much into that, I mean sure Atem is very much hott but I'm sorta leanin' towards someone like Malik.

The bad boys got it going on!

And here is where my pervertedness is revealed.

Well, maybe just brought out into public writing.

Either way its all good, or all bad considering that I'm stuck in a room with a sexy ancient pharaoh that was once evil in the first season but miraculously turned out to be a good buy despite the fact that 3000 years ago he was a good dude but for some reason when he comes back he is evil!

Who knows what I could do!

Alicia's home

Yami no Malik

Damn it!

The pharaoh has found my hidden secret!

I must run before I am beheaded and sacrificed to the god Anubis! …..Yes he can actually do that. Anubis won't know the difference between a sacrifice and a death both have blood shed!

Are you insinuating that I don't know my Egyptology?

Fine, Malik is the one with the knowledge I can only read the stuff.

What?

Damn I thought you forgot about those! I only have the thongs as a sense of sevurity!

No it is not a condom in disguise….although it might as well be.

I only use it for curiosity! After all Malik was one to have an attraction towards the ladies but never the ability to attract back. If Malik finds love then he will soon become so weak that maybe I can take over his body for good!

"WAHAHAHAHHAA"

"WAHAHAHAHHAA"

"WAHAHAHAHHAA"

"WAHAHAHAHHAA"

"WAHAHAHAHHAA"

"WAHAHAHAHHAA"

-.- Damn echo…

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

VOTE!

Atem: 0

Yugi: 0

Yami no Malik: 1

Ryou: 1

Malik: 2

Yami no Bakura: 0

VOTE FOR SOMEMORE POSSIBILITY:D Read and Review


	10. You better watch out!

Alicia's Home

Ryou

Oh where in bloody hell is everyone?

_Ryou, must you use the dubbed British accent? We all know that its fake._

Yes, in fact I must. Want to know why?

_I'd prefer no-_

All the Ryou fangirls love British Ryou!

_Actually the majority of them **don't **like the British Ryou, they'd much rather prefer the **cute **Ryou who talks in his sleep about Honda raping him in a strait bar on the corner of 34th street where **santa **(whom is in my way in all of my plots) is having a parade so that maybe I shall one day take over so that I may be able to find out his jolly weakness._

Um….Bakura…about Santa..

_What is it this time fish-woman?_

…..

Fish woman?

_…I blame Santa, who has still yet to get me the puzzle!_

..ah..yes…you do realize that santa is a figment of children's imagination so that they all may one day become good citizens who shall give candy to the poor and throw their under garments at the rich until they all realize that they have turned into prostitutes that give money to poor folk until they die a horrible death when they fall off a cliff with no edge!

_…_

He only gives gifts to those who do _good _deeds..

…_..ah……should those italics for 'good' that you just said was something I said?_

What? Of bloody not course!

_……Of bloody not course?...does that mean our private golf course is bloody?...YAY!_

…no! ……Our private golf course is riddled with infeste-…wait….THAT WAS YOU!(?)

_….Oh look at the time! It is 3:52 and now it is my turn to take over and ruin the pharaoh's love interest!_

HEY WAIT!

Although the young and questionable British dude was replaced by the ever so sexy and alluring and brilliant and ravishing and prissy and muscular and bicep-like and petty and beautiful and cute and sexeh and nimble Yami no Bakura

Yes I did say prissy..

Do not question me, just review.

BAKURA

I transformed out of that pathetic little light of mine just to give him a rest.

Hey, he may be weak but it is impossible to survive without him, just ignore those fanfics that separate the two. (A/N Hey! Some of my fics are like that /tackles Bakura/)

Attempting to walk up the stairs I saw a blonde breeze swish by my which in turn caused me to crash into the wall, "GOD DAMN IT YAMI NO MALIK!"….well his name is a mouth full..

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU RUNNING IN THE HOUSE?"

The blonde dark stopped in his tracks and faced me, "What business of it is yours?"

"Well for one thing you have a thong and I think we know what the spirit of the fanfiction would say."

He glared at me and hid the pink monstrosity in his pocket..

Tch, as if I will forget about it.

"She or possibly He will not have to know!"

(A/N -.- I can't tell ya how many times I can go into the boy's changing room and not get in trouble..)

"Whatever you say."

Looking around the room I noticed we were the only ones here and no noise could be heard.

"Where is the female and pharaoh?"


	11. Dot the lines

Aw come on dudes more reviews would be really nice….tell ya dudes what if I get at LEAST 5 reviews from different reviewers then I will update the next day every time I get 5 or more reviews.

Alicia's home

Alicia

" Ok it was cute the first time but now you're just being stupid!"

"No no I should be in this position while you are on the bottom!"

"Oh that is mad sexist pharaoh! Women should be treated as equals therefore I am on top!"

"Absolutely not! You go on the bottom and let me do my business!"

"What? Your business is just as important as mine; I mean **I **am the one who has a chance of suffering here!"

Atem sighed in frustration, "Look neither of us have done this before so FINE you get the top!"

I crossed my arms in triumph until I realized what we said.

"Yanno the readers may think…._things_…"

"What things? I mean we were just fighting over who gets the top bunk."

"Yeah….funny… you'd think that with my really big house that I wouldn't need a room with bunk beds.."

"No to mention PINK bunk beds", Atem grimaced.

"Aw come on Atom Atem", I pet his head. " Pink is the color of love and joy!...That's why my mom picked out the color."

"o.O Wait why would you give Yami no Malik a room with a bunk bed…PINK bunk beds."

"Mainly because pink is the essence of all love and beauty. So the fact that Yami no Malik is a being of immense hatred I thought that with my impeccable knowledge on apparitions over the years of my pathetic teenage like I thought that the obvious choice is that Yami no Malik should get a bunk bed, so not to be lonely, and for being pink; because I know that colors have an influence on others behaviors and actions so the logical and not to mention timely idea I had was the best choice to change Yami no Malik from an evil being to a person with thoughts, feelings, and the random urge to hug all woodland creatures that have yet to bite me in this or any other lifetime!"

…

"Let me guess, you forgot what was in all the rooms."

….

…..

…

….

…..

….

…..

"Yanno that is the kind of attitude I would expect from someone who is hunted down by various evil beings who have only one goal which is to destroy you!"

…

"Fine…blame the monarchy! SEE IF I CARE!"

I raised a brow, "Well…."

Alicia's home

Yami no Bakura

I crouched in front of the door with the evil spirit of the rod…wait…EVIL SPIRIT OF THE ROD!

_Oh thank you Bakura, you know how hard it is to hear inside a solid gold item.._

Wha? RYOU? What the hell are you doing here?(!)

_I am you…you blo-_

Alright I think the readers have heard enough British stereotypes..

_Fine…but when you need someone to beat on, I'll be there, when you require a man to tell you when its tea time I'll be there, If you ever need someone to read all your R rated fan fiction you know where to find me, Wh-_

-.- Lets ignore the British wanna-be shall we?

"What the hell are you doing by the door Malik?(!)", I whispered loudly. (I LOVE OXYMORONS!)

"First of all I am not Malik, I am Yami no Malik, or Yami Malik, or Yami Marik, or Dark Malik, or Dark Marik, or Evil spirit of the rod, o-"

"SHUUUuuuuSShhhh!", I sputtered.

….

…..

….

…..  
….

…..

"Well that was disturbing", He shook his head in annoyance and responded. "The pharaoh is inside the room now that he is unable to get out of a room we (me) can take over the world with all the sennen items and cause mass terror where we shall scare all prostitutes so that we may use their underwear for free!"

….

….

"OH BLOODY HELL MUST YOU USE THE DOTTED LINE THING!(?)", I once again whispered….

"How can you whisper that?"

"….Don't even ask…"

"Hey Atem I think someone is out there!"


	12. Room mates

Atem: 1

Yugi: 0

YM: 1

Ryou: 1

Malik: 2

YB: 0

keep em' coming peeps! Although a plain review would just do me fine! Oh yea for those of you who are fans of Yami no Bakura I have a story call A Sudden Turn On which is a YBakura/OC although it is serious I **may **make it funny but probably not although if you like funny then read my other story A Sudden Turn Off which is a MalikOC so just sayin' peeps and hope ya like this chappie!

Alicia's Home  
Atemu (or Atem)

"Hey Atem I think someone is out there!", cried Alicia.

Someone is out there!(?) Oh praise the Gods! For they have made this story possible which then again I may not want to praise because I am extremely out of character and not to mention the fact that I am stuck in a room with a mutated female who has eaten too many fudge bars in her life time (fuuuuuudge!). So in which case I must say that the Gods should suck my happy pharaoh ass for all I care! They never did me any good!

_Birth._

_A life._

_Born a royal heir._

_The king of Games._

_A bishounen who is admired by all but has also made a lot of the readers and reviewers realize Tea is an evil bitch who should die in a hole in a fire but now since we know her we cannot like Anzu so the world is gone but at least we have found a well-rounded hatred that we can all share under a campfire with our marshmallows and then tell all our amazing secrets that have been posted on the net for over ten years but none of us need a computer so we just talk about how we don't know about AOL but then we end up getting Optimum Online but STILL have problems with life and its prairies of mannnny dogs.._

_Coke._

_Amazing ability to wear leather in the rain._

_Hair that can withstand a lightening strike._

_A great personality._

_Sexy bod._

_A niiiiiice a-_

Don't even finish that sentence.

_What? I was just going to say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabdomen?_

…..Gay ass…

_I thought you didn't know what that meant/gasp/ you're really out of character now!_

No.

Its just now that I think about it your ass is just so out there that it seems to bump so I assumed that its very happy.

"Atem? Why are we standing it utter silence while there are people outside our door?"

o.o

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE /hiccup/"

"Hicup!(?)"

o.O

"I thought the pharaoh was perfect? As in no burps, slouching, leaning, breathing, stepping, dictionary analysis reader who just loves a good joke on Fridays until life becomes too hard for the poverty line where the mushrooms of lanstar become too pale to call fungus so then we come up with pangus until we are sued for treason………"

o.o

Alicia sighed as I obliviously stared at her for her obscene statement, " OK ok." She walked towards the door and knocked……and knocked again…..she then started to bite the door…until she pounded on it…..

"DAMN IT I KNOW SOMEONE IS OUT THERE AND IF THEY DON'T OPEN THE DOOR IN 80 SENCONDS THEN I WILL BURST INTO A THOUSAND FLAMES WHILE YOU ALL DIIIIIIE IN A PEASANT RACH AND THE MAGOTS WILL EAT YOUR EYES WHILE I SPOON YOUR GENITALS OUT OF YOU BOD SO THAT I MAY KIIIIIIL YOOOOOOUUUUUUU!"

Some how I don't think that whoever was out there was going to answer.

888OUTSIDE DOOR THIRD PERSON!888

Darkness has many synonyms.

Blackness.

Evilness.

Amusing little chicken pods on the rampage of all my quarters.

Either way the two darks crouched outside the door with wide smirks on their faces, it was a perfect moment. The pharaoh was and the annoying female were locked together in a room doing who knows what while both spirits were free to do the one thing that they have wanted to see happen for almost a year (3000 for Bakura)……………

……….

………

………

Its unsupervised party time!


	13. Party?

Atem: 1

Yugi: 0

YM: 1

Ryou: 1

Malik: 2

YB: 0

Rockinmuffin: hehe

Alicia's Home

Bakura

Ha! Finally! My evil yet obsolete plans are finally coming together!

Now that the pharaoh is locked up in his rightful domain along with that absurdly dressed female, I can have the party of the century! But wait! That damn Yami no Malik, HE'LL RUIN EVERYTHING! With his anti-gravity hair and obviously nearly successful plots he is sure to get a better band than me!

WHY DOES LIFE TREAT ME THIS WAY!

I was the one who made Yami no Malik go into the pink room!

It was my idea for him to collect thongs!

Naturally I have been secretly hoarding left over boxes from Victoria's Secret!

And of course no one else could have manipulated the space time continuum so that the pharaoh and the girl would end up in the same pink room where they shall try on thongs until they realize that there is no way to get food from the room and decide to eat the thongs until they are too weak and need protein to survive so they try to churn some cheese but fail miserably and fight to the death for a lick of each others flesh!

Heheh….that's right….I'm bad ass. (A/N who else has watched the dubbed Yami Bakura sooo much that they swear that they heard him say he was a 'bad ass'…?...)

"Well", Yami no Malik smirked, " I suppose that we have the same idea."

"Yes", I agreed with a smirk of my own.

"Too bad I have a strict policy of /cough/ the specific heair length /cough/ to be 10 inches ABOVE your head /cough/"

"Are you alright?"

"You suck!", he glared.

"What did I do!(?)"

"When Alicia told you not to play with the pepper in between chapters, what did you do?"

Hehe…

Pepper…

"Well none of that matters now, I must challenge you to a dubbed shadow game because the people from 4Kids and other children's places are sick minded /BEEP/ who should just /BEEP/ their mother until she /BEEEEEEEEEPS/ on the floor of the garage where all of you shall /BEEEEEEEP/ me until I am satisfied!"

Yami no Malik took a moment of silence to take it all in until…

"Why would you want to /BEEEP/ your mother on the floor of the garage, personally I enjoy whacking people with a pole in their place of birth."

Wait…

(A/N HEY! SO THE BEEPS WHERE OF WHACKING PEOPLE WITH POLES!)

"Naturally", they both responded simultaneously..

(A/N BUT THAT'S STUPID!)

Bakura coughed, "And that was the point, 4Kid should die in a hold in a fire…."

(A/N Oh so this was of 4Kids?...I see the similarities..)

"Good, may we continue?"

(A/N 8D suuuure!)

"As long as I am alive Yami no Malik then the world with NEVER be ruled by you!"

"What? BAKURA YOU ARE NOT THE PHARAOH!"

"Damn -.-; ."

"I know, sure, we like to be these cool yet incredible hott men who are willing to do anything to gain our goal even if that means /BEEPING/ our mother…..but………I REALLY WANTED TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER! I ONLY HAVE ONE SAGA!"

"Heh, I am in ALL the saga's!"

Yami no Malik stared at him, "No you're not! You were not in the Doma saga nor the KC Grand Prix saga!"

"I WAS IN THE PUZZLE!"

"WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE YOU!"

"Fine……be that way…….Just remember I'm older than you so when you die I will be in Athens….laughing it up!"

"If you're older than me wouldn't you die first and also…….Why Athens!(?)", he cried.

"Heheheheheheheheheh…………..I'm back.."

"O.o Back!(?) From where!(?)"

"Back…….to the future!"

88888Ryou from far far away!88888

Back to the future is not a proper video…..

(A/N Ok Ryou you can't be British anymore)

WHAT!(?) WHY!(?)

(A/N……uhh…how do I put this nicely?...You are a mockery to Europeans everywhere..)

/Cries/

8888Back8888

"Okay?", Yami no Malik stared.

"That was unusual…"

"So……we wasted a chapter…"

"Yeah, pretty much.."

"What now?"

They both then smirked at each other with wide smirkish ways!

"SAMURAI SWORDS TO THE DEATH!"


	14. COLLECTION!

v.v well at least I gots one review last chappie, enjoy reading and if you already voted ya can still review to motivate me!

Alicia's house

Alicia

"SAMURAI SWORDS TO THE DEATH!"

o.o

"Atem, did ya hear that?", I turned my head to face the ever so annoying pharaoh who was hott but still a huge cause of all my pain and suffering with all wild animals in the east northern part of Guchi land.

"Hear what?"

I sighed in pity and slowly approached the unsuspecting king with a grin that said _'Oh you know that I know you got a spray tan 3000 years ago because the game Forbidden Memories had you without a tan so there I must tell the world about your secret so that I may humiliate you until life itself kills thee!'_

"SAMURAI SWORDS TO THE DEATH!"

"AHHH!", he cried while falling onto the floor blinking furiously. "What was that about!(?) You have been nothing but a……thug ever since I got here I think I deserve a little more respect!"

With that finishing statement he stood up with a triumphant smirk, tch, as if he won.

"Respect? I don't owe you nothin' bitch! We all must go our merry ghetto way before I give you ANY respect _pharaoh Atemu_!"

"Pharaoh Atemu? Isn't my name Atem?"

"Basically depends on what country you're in, I just choose to call you Atem so that I may one day use this hurtful phrase 'HEY LOOKS IT'S ATOM ATEM'!"

He blinked, "Oh. Hey wait! That still is no excuse for why you are treating me this way!"

"What makes you think the reason is for me treating you this way is?"

"If I understood that sentence then I'd say, YOU HATE ME!"

"True, but what else?"

"Eh? What do you mean what else? Is there more?"

I shrugged, "You tell me Atom Atem."

"You want me to be publicly humiliated."

"If I wanted that so badly I would have made a bet with you and then eventually rigged the bet so that it shall be in my favor until the end of the bet where you will sing 'My Fair Lady' in a lace dress and then you will make a speech that I have written for you where you shallst admit that you have been deflowered by Seto Kaiba!"

He blinked.

He twitched.

He full body twitched.

"First of all 'My Fair Lady' is a movie, second, I MOST CERTAINLY NOT HAVE BEEN DEFLOWERED BY SETO KAIBA!"

"Oh come on, you're the duel king so therefore you are a celebrity and as we all know celebrities have _secret _lives."

"Bu-…Ga-..I-", he shook his head in defeat (In your face pharaoh, IN YOUR FACE!), "..There is no talking to you is there?"

"Greater men than you have tried", I nodded.

Sighing in frustration the disturbed pharaoh sat on the lower bunk bed.

_Times like these make ya think about life, kinda like the time when I told Atem that I wanted to- o.o oh wait! We aren't up ta that chappie……hehe…foreshadow!_

Atem blinked, "What?"

"What?"

"Did you say something?"

"Do you think I said something?"

CLASSSSSHHHH!

o.o

"What the hell was that?", I clarified the obvious.

"It sounded like badly descriptive battle sounds!"

"o.o - o.- I hate those….Some has to learn that they should just keep to themselves."

"What?"

"What?"

"What was the point of that sentence!(?)"

"What do you think was the point of my sentence?"

He grunted, "Just forget it! I think the sound outside sounded like, sword clashing?"

"Swords………….SAMURAI SWORDS TO THE DEATH! NOOOOO MY COLLECTION!"

"You collect samurai swords when you knew that two homicidal maniacs were coming!(?)"

"I didn't know they were coming! And besides….MY COLLECTION!"


	15. Greasy?

Scarlet is a smidgen sick which is why I didn't review earlier /hears readers and reviewers say aww/ ;.; domo for your concern! And here is the next chappie! (yeah votes hasn't changed, some of you said your vote again O.o) For the record I am putting the things that just have randomness in Italics but sometimes it will be for thoughts between Yami and Hikar.

Alicia's Home

Atem

"I didn't know they were coming! And besides….MY COLLECTION!"

_**-.- You'd think that she'd think this through before leaving her Samurai Sword collection out in the open!**_

_Yeah but she already told you that she didn't know you all were coming!_

_**O.o Mom?(!)  
**  
FOR THE LAST FLIGIN TIME! I AM YUGI NOT YOUR MOTHER! IN FACT NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOUR MOTHER IS!_

** :D She's the queen of Egypt.**

_You mean was?_

_**;.; You don't have to rub it in!**_

_I wasn't rubbing your dead to the floor mother's grave!_

…__

_Forget me._

_**And you are?**_

…………_Your mother…_

_**D I always hated you mother!**_

_O.o_

_**:D**_

"SAMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUURRRRAAAAIIII SWOOOOORDS!", Alicia' cried with a very amusing yet aggravating tone.

_**What a female pup.**_

_You mean dog?_

_**DON'T BACK SASS ME MOTHER!**_

_O.o_

"Give it up already Alicia!", I stated while clearing my throat for a long speech on adolescent friendship. "Alicia, you can't keep on taking your anger out on _things_….and or people. We should work together to get this door open in stead of trying to scream at the top of ones lungs with ultimate rage and antagonism, now let us set aside our differences to work together to open that door!"

…..

….

……

…….

…….

…….

………..

……..

………

She then stared at me for 67 silent dots all aligned in random order, until she lunged at me. SCREW FRIENDS THIS FEMALE PUP US GOIN' DOWN! At first her seemingly harmless body was towering over mine while she grabbed my hair, although unfortunately for her my hair has a special ability…

…due to the fact that I use 50 crates of gel per day her hands slipped through my greasy locks!

"Damn you, F-"

I pounced over her, holding down her arms (thank Ra for women's weak arms).

Smirking down at her I then began triumphantly, " The king of games never loses."

"Yeah well you have one weakness that all nobles have!"

"And that would be?"

"Brittle nuts!"

"Wh-"

Before I could respond she kneed my pharaoh jewels, OH THE UNDYING PAIN! I CANNOT DESCRIBE (or the authoress cannot describe) THE AGONY OF A MAN'S WEAKNESS!

Of course with that said she punched me in the pharaoh stomach for quite sometimes, personally I don't like violence so then I shall say it involved many R rated body parts and biting in various places.

NO WE DID NOT HAVE HARD CORE SEX!

Although to the naked eye it may seems so. Don't get it? Well too bad!

Alicia's Home

YBakura

Our swords clashed in a fiery passion as our blades made something more than love.

_What?_

_When did I become so passionate about something? Well you will just have to figure that out on your own! _

_Where is Ryou? Well since the authoress found out about his stereotypical British ways she now has him in rahab._

_/SOMEWHERE/_

"_NOOOOO!"_

"Tea is a nono, Sake is a yes yes."

" ;.; NOOOOO!"

/BACK/

_It's not pretty but we'll all be proud of him when its over._

"Hey tomb robber!", the tanned spirit spoke while trying to catch me off guar (good luck with that!). "What does this prove?"

Hm.

What does our fight prove?

Well I'm sure the unsettling fangirls could probably imagine us covered in sweat with out clothing sticking to our bodies as we fight an immense battle that bathes us in blood while the resonance of our swords clash in the background.

"Nothing really unless you thing that the unsettling fangirls could probably imagine us covered in sweat with out clothing sticking to our bodies as we fight an immense battle that bathes us in blood while the resonance of our swords clash in the background."

"True", his sword came to my side as I inevitably blocked it, " but is there another reason?"

"Yeah."

"And that would be?"

"Who gets to throw the illegal party!"

"-.- Let me guess", Mariku presumed while blocking my attacks which led me to corner him….in a corner…, " the readers have to decide who throws the party?"

"It usually happens that way."

"-.- Well you hear em' folks! You decide who wins, me or the uncleanly yet oddly erotic Yami no Bakura."

"The f- did you call me!(?)"

"Uncleanly.."

"After that?"

"yet?"

"-.- Never mind!"


	16. Pharaoh Pharaoh Pharaoh

SS: Yay I got some reviews! I love all of you!

But not on TUESdays….

Atem: 1

Yugi: 0

YM: 3

Ryou: 1

Malik: 1

YB: 0

Well with Yami no Malik in the lead we can expect some uncleanly yet oddly erotic scenes

YMalik: Or not.

True.

AnimeLoverAngel: I be lovin' Kura too/avoids your dodge ball/ but did YOU ask him in those e-mail kura sites what tooth paste does he use? HUH? NYAR!

Rockinmuffin:….True…although I wonder what the theme of the party would be with Malik. Anubis? ( D that'd rock!)

Alicia's Home

Alicia

_Damn the pharaoh, curse the evil fate that has befallen my fate to be with the pharaoh in this room of accursed new landlord laws that seemingly yet slowly kill off all the penguins of Nashville but suddenly a meteorite comes and they wipe out all the dino's so then man may start to live a new life under the sea!_

_Little Mermaid has an odd effect on this one, that it does. _

My gazed that was slightly blurred shifted over to already beaten-to-the-gods pharaoh, seriously peeps I blame him for Triangular Trade and the famine that will approach in due time.

Yes, I blame Atem for future events.

"So", I grinned, "still alive or do ya need another beatin' from the crushinator mach. 4?"

"You had a lucky shot."

"Doncha mean shots?", I smirked but also cringed. For a crimpy pharaoh who has mystical powers that cannot be comprehended by any living and or nonliving beings you'd never would have guessed that his physical attributes would actually hurt!

"Tch", he semi smirked (I got him good), "you also were hit by my pharaoh blows, therefore you cannot be so confident!"

"Your pharaoh blows? Does everything have to be renamed with the word 'pharaoh' in front of it."

"No, it could come after the word."

"Yanno what?", I sneered. "Why doncha just take you and your pharaoh ass up the pharaoh moon where the first pharaoh will beseech you with a proper pharaoh death but of course you much pass the pharaoh ritual and then eat the pharaoh meal until ya'll can rest in pharaoh peace in you PHARAOH HEAVEN!"

" :D I didn't know you knew Egyptology!"

Oh crimpin' lord.

Why do all world leaders have to be such idiots.

_Or dictators._

_Or bringers of world peace._

_Say, a lot of world leaders had to marry in the family and since if you have children within the family don't they get retarded? …….ATEM IS A SPED! O.O! Then again the vast majority of us thought so, Oh come on Atem fans! You have to admit he does have his blonde moments._

_Then again he is technically a blonde…_

_I think._

"So what do we do now?", Atem asked while still not moving due to injury and pancreas failure.

"We walk outside this door and throw a surprise birthday part for Yugi."

" :D MOM!"

"O.o say what?" "Mom!"

"Yugi is not your mom."

Atem rolled his eyes, "Well if he isn't my mother then why did dad say so?"

"I'm going to pretend that I understood that and not to mention you just said 'Well if HE isn't my mother..' That's just it! Yugi is a HE!"

"You got somethin' against homosexuals!"

"o.O hah? But then Yugi isn't your real _mother_."

"That is not what the birth certificate said!"

Yeah………I think this is what makes people want to take over the world.

Yeah the authoress is lazy today so I shall update another chappie late tomorrow. (late for me is around 5 or 6)


	17. Rehab Ryou

Silver Danger Blade: Yeah yanno I ain't quite sure why I made Atem call Yugi his mom it sorta just came to me like the time I accidentally messed up the peanut butter and jelly song with mayonnaise and glue. …yeah….I think meh old chums from Kindergarten still remembered me, and a piece of advice. Glue.Is.Not.Vanilla.

Anime Lover Angel: HAH! NO ONE BUT ME SHALL EVER ASK BAKURA'S HIGENE ISSUES! Yeah my best friend is a blonde and she is mad smart, I on the other hand am a brunette and I sometimes mix up glue with vanilla…..lets just say I didn't talk much in kindergarten….

persony person: BTW LOVE THE NAME! Why does everyone call Yugi mom? Well why not? He's as short as my mom. Ryou in fact shall come back….. o.o…And you are the greatest persony person in the entire person world where every person has their own personal lives in their person palace…..and I am not just complementing you to stay a live for another ten years.

Atem: 1

Ryou: 1

YMalik: 4

Yugi: 0

Malik: 1

YBakura: 1

Rehab

Third Person

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO/ British cough/ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The authoress then shakes her head in pity at Ryou's behavior, "Next time if you are going to scream bloody murder don't use a _British cough, _if there is such a thing."

Ryou struggled and looked frantically around the white room and secure yet oddly comfy jacket that never made him feel more loved until now.

"W-why am I here? All I ever wanted to do was become British! Is that so much to ask!"

"Actually, yes….especially when you have never been to Great Britain!"

"v.v Ok fine but MUST the Ryou fangirls be staring at me intently while you try to _turn me over_", Ryou blushed while staring at all the Ryou

"Ok, first of all don't ever say 'turn me over' when I am looking at you, second, do you like Johnny Depp?"

" o.o What in seven hells does that have to do with anything?"

"Are there really seven hells?"

"What?(!) I don't know!"

"Well ya better start if you want to be included more often in the story! Cause with that 'tude ya ain't getting' out here soon!", she sighed.

"Has anyone ever told you that you sound like a hoodlum?"

"o.o Ryou!"

"What?"

"That was beyond insulting! Now you shall go in……..**the box**…."

"T-the box?"

Alicia's Home

YMalik

The spirit cornered me, damn it!

_Malik was wrong; the defense is never the best way to go! I suppose he said that because he sucks at soccer, yeah, not even the coach will put him out in the field. He probably only goes for the girls soccer team, heh, my perverted light.  
_

Although with my disturbing thoughts of seeing Malik drool over girls that are wayyyyyyyyyyyyy out of his league the spirit of the ring swung the sword near my neck but, of course no one can harm me.

Unfortunately, instead of my neck he cut off a chunk of my perfect blond locks!

The bastard!

"You ass hole! No one has **ever** **dared **to cut off the locks of the future ruler of this world!"

He smirked, "That is why I have all of my hair."

I glared at the spirit so hard I swear I could see a cross-like imprint on my forehead but I am willing to ignore it.

With a fast pace I lunged at him with my blade only to have him block my attack. Damn that spirit!

"Someone has lost their touch, no? The quiet life after Atem's ceremonial duel has made you soft."

I went on the offensive a bit more and pushed him back although he regained the upper hand as we began a duel that Zorro would be proud of_. How do I know Zorro? Well, who do you think played his disciple in the Zorro move?  
_

"You are the one who is soft tomb robber!"

He must have been offended by that because next thing I knew he pushed me off of the railing of the stairs.


	18. BOOMIE!

Rockinmuffin: We all want to fly but some of us ain't that lucky… /flaps wings/

Silver Danger Blade: I honestly did read yer story and I honestly think that it's the best but my comp. is evil and does not let me review /tear/

Atem: 1

Ryou: 1

YMalik: 4

Yugi: 0

Malik: 1

YBakura: 1

Alicia's Home

Atem

BANG!

CRASH!

BOOOOMIE!

"Boomie?", I asked.

"Hey, NO ONE questions the authoress….no matter how crappy her descriptions are."

True.

_Ever since this story started I haven't been feeling like myself, I keep on getting these strong urges to hug Yugi and tell him how my day was at school. Yes, I already do that but now it seems almost as if I am willing to tell him my problems with bullies named Butch and girls name Caroline with issues._

_Why Butch and Caroline (especially when this is Japan)?_

Because I am the pharaoh and despite my many flaws in my dueling strategies which have forced me to cheat so that the technology in the duel disks will allow me to draw any card that I want so that my enemies will tread in fear of my pharaoh ass that looms over the world and now that I have gotten that through your heads you might as well know that even though I am obviously the perfect role model I had to rig the technology so that I can be an idol to children and has anyone noticed that this is all one sentence?

"Atem, you do realize that maybe we should screw off the hinges", Alicia turned to look at me.

"WHAT? WHY DIDN'T WE DO THAT SOONER?"

"Hey dude, it ain't easy yanno it's not like we have a screw driver."

I sighed, "Then how are we going to do this?"

"Yanno that puzzle has a nice point."

Without hesitation I gripped the puzzle the still hung around my neck and brought it close to my chest, "NO WAY!"

"What? Its not like Yugi will care."

/In puzzle/

_YES YES I WILL YOU F- B- I WILL SO KILL YOU AND MAKE SURE THAT ATEM STAYS WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE /hiss/_

/out of puzzle/

"Well the authoress certainly made her point", Alicia smirked. "Speaking of points…"

"Fine fine", I sighed in defeat while handing her the puzzle.

"Yanno", her smirk widened, "I could have sworn that was a sigh of disappointment, did you want to sleep in the same room as me?"

"Wh-wh-what?(!) Of course n-"

Although before I could finish I then noticed the crappy description of my thoughts and realized that the chapter was near its end as Yami no Malik burst through the door with various bruises and small cuts.

"…uh….happy Tuesday?"


	19. Hi

Rockinmuffin: ………/hands thou spandex…….steals Atem's clothes/

Angela: Hoe? Wowies, O.o other schools be wiiiiieeerrrdd….. /licks triangle/ aw you are funny, aren't you glad I didn't say orange?

AnimeLoverAngel/shifty eyes but then snatches Kura and runs off/

EVERYONE: GOMEN NASAI FOR NOT UPDATING SOOONNNERRR! IT BE VACATION AND I JUST WANTED TO SLEEEEPPP HIIIIIIS (FBI) VOTES BE THE SAMMMEEE!

Alicia's Home

Yami no Malik

"…uh….happy Tuesday?"

_Damn, I could feel my back littered with splinters that seemingly look like little trees that want to grow on my back to start a new empire where they shall live in peace and harmony while raising little woodland creatures and before you know it I shall have a world on my back where the carvings shall be watering holes and then I shall rule the civilization upon my back and Scarlet has got to stop making one sentence paragraphs!_

"Happy Tuesday? IT'S FRIDAY YOU ARSE!"

"Arse?"

"Sorry, I visited Ryou in rehab, his Britishness is REALLY hard to get out of?"

"And somehow you got **in** the 'Britishness'?"

She glared, "Don't you have a civilization on your back?"

"Don't you have blood searing between your legs to make you this moody!(?)"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO-", Atem squealed.

_Both the girl and I grabbed the soap bottle from the downstairs and then rushed back up with enforcing rage and blinding fury….although what happened next was something that no one predicted. _

_..Not even the Prime Minister from Meganovlava could have predicted these turn of events!_

_Yup….anytime now the authoress will come up with something witty to write down that will make you all review and burst out laughing like maniacs who checked into the Nuts and Crackers Hotel and ordered the kukuku Bakura platter where all shall laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh._

_Yeah…any minuet now._

"WHOA WHOA WILLLLLLIIIIEEE BOOOOD OOOSTROPITHICUS IIIIIIICCCKKKKIIIIEEEE REEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY YOOOOOOOO ERRRRK."

If you thought we put soap in the pharaoh's pants then you guessed right because he rushed out of the room in a very impolite manner leaving me and the girl alone.

"Tch", I scoffed, "weak pharaoh."

"-.- Tell me about it, world leaders should suck my ass."

"…"

"Sorry", she blushed, "didn't think that one through."

"Kind of like how you put me in a pink room with bunk beds?"

"No, no that was intensi-onarially bad!"

"-.o Intensionarilly bad?"

"Yeah, it's kind of like meaning something but actually doing it."

"Wouldn't that be intentional?", I raised a brow.

"Hey where is Yami no Bakura?"

I growled, "None of your business girl, mine as well, whatever he does will fail anyway."

"Let me guess, you challenged him to a duel and whomever would win would try to take over or something?"

"A type of duel yes, but what does that matter to **you**?"

"I suppose that the fact that this is my house and you are residing in it even though you lost a humiliating defeat that if found out by the Jedi Counsel you will be castrated and sent to Udomia where all pugs fly and ipods do not exist……you will now use ipuds!"

"ipu-"

"Don't even ask."

She has obviously watched Red vs. Blue too often.

Despite the sheering pain in my back where my new colony shallots reside in I am able to maintain ample conversation.

That's why I fell on the floor.

"Are you alright?", she asked while taking me to the bathroom…no not the one the pharaoh is using. That would just haunt me.

"Why does everyone ask that even though they know that they are in undying pain that will never go away? (!)"

"Dunno, I guess it's just a tradition, kinda like when someone has the hiccups. Ya always gotta beat them on their backside and make sure they squeal like a female who has just gotten an unwanted sex change….on a Sunday."

"That's gotta suck", I chuckled while she took off my shirt.

Of course I glared at her but I said nothing, after all not many women would willingly touch something that is barely human. Not that I like anything that is done by human will.

"Well now, turn around dude."

"Dude?", I asked while doing so.

"Yeah I pretty much call everyone that, even women…..I am so gender confused."

"O.o Gender confused?"

"Yeah, you could be a woman for all I know", she grinned.

Not that I could see her face but I knew she was smiling.

I turned around, "Do women have this!(?)"

_Of course I was pointing to my abs! What else is there to sho-_

_Wait…_

_I just got that…_

"Abs? Yeah. Manhood?...well that depends…", she sighed. "Just turn around dude so that I can work on you. "

I smirked.


	20. Pervy Mariku and Rehab Ryou part 2!

Angela/tear/ I am your fav. Authoress /tear/ I AM SO LOVED/huggle but then takes your parallelogram/

Rockinmuffin: Hope ya get the Gold and or Bronze medal! (silver is just so degrading)

Atem: 1

Ryou: 1

YMalik: 4

Yugi: 0

Malik: 1

YBakura: 2

**BTW PEEPS I HAVE STARTED AN ORIGINAL STORY ON FICTION PRESS CALLED P.A.L.A.D.I.N. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED MY USERNAME IS EndlessStairway (sorry it be a serious story but in later chappies I will try to make it funny)**

Alicia's Home

Alicia

"Abs? Yeah. Manhood?...well that depends…", she sighed. "Just turn around dude so that I can work on you. "

He smirked.

_Damn, yanno I just got that, kinda like the time some random amounts of people who like to pop out of nowhere and greet me with a happy no glad look that never always fails to capture my demonic needs of ripping their pelvis out and feeding it to my coach ants until the time that they say that I will live over 800 yrs. if I my hand is as big as my face._

_I be so gullible doncha know?_

"Oooo right there", he purred.

"Hm. Here?"

"Ahhh yessss, you know just where to touch me."

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better, _I live to serve_."

"Now that's more like it!", he grinned.

"I was being facetious."

"You're not fat."

"True, but ya gotta admit my ass is pretty out there."

_My hands trailed all over his back as we continued to joke around about his ass, my ass, other people's assess. Twas a rather amusing conversation, I haven't had this much fun with a sadist since Woodstock!_

_Yes…I was there.._

_What do you mean ya don't have a time machine, ya'll are losers! LOSERS! I PUT THE 'L' ON MY FOREHEAD FOR YOU MY LOSER LOSERS WHO ARE SO VERY MUCH LOSERS AND SO DO NOT DESERVE THE TITLE OF LOSERDOM UNTIL THEY GET THE BRONZE METAL AT BOB SLEDING!_

_Poor Bob._

"There, your back may not be completely healed but that should hold ya," I comforted while leading him to the bed.

"Damn it", he winced slightly, "this shouldn't hurt."

"It shouldn't but it does," I replied while gently lying him down.

As I tucked him in I began to walk through the door but his hand clasped around mine which in turn brings me into the bed in his embrace.

"Who said you could leave, hm," he smirked.

"I did . -.-"

"Oh? And what type of power do you have over me," he leaned closer.

"One thing."

"And that would be?"

"PINK FLUFFY PILLOWS OF TERRRRRRRRORRRRRR!", I screamed while smashing all the pink stuff that I could find in the room..

_Yes…_

_..Even the mattress._

_How?_

_Cause I am your father Luke…deal with it and clean your room!_

"Gah!", he was taken by surprise while letting me go.

_Don't get me wrong peeps I do like being in his arms but I'm only a slut on Tuesdays and twice on Sundays! With that said I managed to walk out of the room while the spirit curses at himself for letting his guard down over a woman. How can I hear him even though I am clearly walking away from the door? _

_You still haven't cleaned your room…_

While walking down the hall I noticed that the illustrious tomb robber was blocking my way down the stairs.

"Could ya move?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Where is Yami no Malik?"

"In my closet like a good little ho", I saluted.

He growled in annoyance as he knew that he was gonna get nowhere with me.

_Dun worry, greater men than you have tried kura…_

_Speaking of the duckling's in my uterus, we should check on Ryou!_

REHAB RYOU THIRD PERSON POV

"I think I can I think I can I think I can I bloody th-"

"NO! NOTHING THAT RESEMBLES BLOOD OR THE ORIGIN OF MY MONKEY POWERS!", the authoress corrected.

"P-please let me go mum, I want ore.."

"You want what?", Scarlet slapped his back with a candy ruler.

"ORE!"

"MORE!"

"ORE!"

"MORE!"

"NO I NEED THE BLOODY OR-"

"NO BLOOD YOU SADIST!"

We can feel your pain Ryou….let us all hold a moment of silence for the British stereotype..


	21. MARMOSET BENCH

Rockinmuffin: owch! O.o your aunt caught ya with a thong XD man I would have loved to have been there! Actually they have a little more than 10 final fantasy games (X-2) Flamingos are pink eh? O.o Ya learn somtin' new everyday….well…maybe I shouldn't have told meh neighbor that her flamingos were color challenged o.o

Angela: o.o whoa, the way you pronounce Ryou is the same way I do! STALKER! (naw I be kidding, I be your stalker, I am the unconscious thug in your closet!). I wouldn't say pink is his worst fiend; maybe a picture of me at my awkward state but not pink (now let us sigh in pity for Bob)

Atem: 1

Ryou: 1

YMalik: 4

Yugi: 0

Malik: 1

YBakura: 2

And Yugi got NOTHIN'! poor mom..

Alicia's Home

YBakura

"In my closet like a good little ho", she saluted?

She saluted? What is wrong with this generation! (?)

"Shut up girl and tell me where he is!"

"I dunno, what do I get in return?"

I walked up to her, "Do you think you have the nerve to talk to me that way?"

"Hell ya Captain!"

"Captain?"

"If I call you Captain you may call me Sir Wiggles!", she sniffed (yes….she sniffed..).

I shook my head in confusion, it was obvious that I was going nowhere with this woman, "God damn you female woman! What the hell are you trying to d- Wait…I know what's going on!"

"NO! DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE FIGURED OUT MY PLAN TO HAVE YOU ALL FOR BREAKFAST WHILE I FRY YUGI ON AN EGG BEATER AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO HIS DWARFISM BUT NOT BEFORE I SCREW YOU ON THE TABLE OF A MARMOSET BENCH AND THEN STUFF YAMI NO MALIK INTO MY BAGGAGE CLAIM SO THAT I AM ABLE TO USE THIS PASSPORT TO EUROPE AS MY GUIDE TO THE UNDERWORLD UNTIL MY PANTS KICK IN AND ALL THERE IS LEFT OF THE APACOLYPSE IS MY FANNY PACK!"

……

…….……

…….

"You want to screw me on a marmoset table?"

"Eh, it's a thought besides what else am I going to do with the tool shed."

"True."

"So," she started, "we got a while before the authoress gets bored and stops the chappie, what now?"

"Hm, you're a girl and I'm a man right?"

"Yeah?"

"And we've both had all of our shots right?"

"Yeah!"

"Neither of us had sex in over 3000 years, right?"

"………..Yeah!"

"So, I propose that we team up and destroy the pharaoh!"

"Yeah!"

"Not so fast Mc nast!"

**888**

Next chapter: Will Bakura and Alicia ever get through to each other? What will happen to Yami no Malik's condition? Who the flickin' hell says MC NAST WITH OUT A PROPER AUTHORITY!


	22. Yes, I typed this

Rockinmuffin: Bacon is SO a currency! That reminds me of the time my doctor was trying to schedule my next appointment and he said 'How about October 31st?' and I was, 'Umm.. I think I'll be busy then..' 'Why? What could you possibly be doing on October 31st?' 'Your mom never loved you did she?'

Yeah I actually said that, he doesn't love me /tear/

AnimeLoverAngel: o.o I'm sorry! Forgive the authoress for using Bakura n' all I just be eatin' too many larva today and now I shalst do a dance for you /does the hokie pokie/

Angela: You can spell? TRAITOR! No its okay just because you can spell and I cant doesn't make me jealous in the least/breaks Harry's wand/ Why do I always make things sound wrong when it doesn't mean what you think it means? Its called the Strategy of A thousand horses; its just there to keep you readin'/takes hot topic clothes and jumps into your cellar o.o/

Atem: 1

Ryou: 2

YMalik: 4

Yugi: 0

Malik: 1

YBakura: 2

YMalik still in the lead/rides horse/

Alicia's Home

Alicia

"Not so fast Mc nast!"

"No it cannot be you," Bakura cried.

"o,o Fudgie?"

"The he-I AM YAMI NO MALIK!"

"Fudgie…"

"Where in fu—hell do you get 'fudgie' from? (!)"

Aw come on dude you look like a fudgie, and not many people could pull that off.

"Why did you say Mc nast," Bakura asked.

"Because the adolescent authoress with her constant winging of us not being able to rhyme has gotten through to my head so now the marmosets of New Hampshire wont ravage through our mail so that we can never have any communication with one another for comfort and support in our line of hell.."

"OH," Bakura and I sighed in unison. (Yes…we sighed that..)

"Now," Yami no Malik breathed (Yes…he breathed that..), "why in hell's name did you call me fudgie? (!)"

"Does hell have a name," I asked.

"Yes, it is Hell!"

"Or Cocytus."

"Or Matrimony."

"Or Hade-…matrimony?"

"Marriage is hell," I shuddered.

"And you would know this, how," Yami no Malik asked.

"Cause' I have a friend of a friend who knows this friends who is seeing this masochist and his friends knows this guy who speaks to this other guy that knows someone who was an idol who talks to this girl whose cousin is seeing this guy who says 'hi' to this girl who talks to my friends who knows someone who got hitched recently and the only words he was able to utter was, 'hell.'"

"I was asking the girl, not you spirit," Yami no Malik growled.

"Oh," I chirped (Yes…I chirped that..), "well ya see, I have this friend of a fr-"

"OI NEVERMIND!"

I stared in confusion at the two spirits; I already promised Bakura that I would team up to destroy the ph- Wait? How the hell is Yami no Malik able to walk o.o? I once again stared at Yami no Malik but then he looked up at the ceiling where the almighty authoress is about to type to him his condition.

"Ok ay, so I have random cuts on my back, and a possible bruise or two; does that even make it a priority to stay in bed? Its just cuts."

"Deal with zat you, ya gotta be lucky that I didn't make Alicia ghetto yo!"

And how I soooooooooo wanted to be ghetto.

"Bye."

"Bye almighty authoress," I waved (Yes…I waved that…)

Yami no Malik doubled over in pain while I rushed over to him and helped him up.

"Hay," Yami no Bakura yelled. "You promised to help **me** destroy the pharaoh!"

"v.v Sorry dude but when it comes to an injured person," I lifted Mariku a bit, "they come first."

I could swear that I saw Yami no Malik smirk at the other spirit but I decided to ignore it. Unfortunately I am a pretty weak person so Yami no Malik had to mainly walk into the room with me (damn my weak state that leads me to late puberty where all gnomes shalst know that I am a fairy who is bent on world rule with the control over all like's and then no one will ever have anymore favorites which in turn makes me want to kill all urine!).

Gently, I put Yami no Malik into bed, his arms lifted and stretched to the back of his head.

"So what now," He asked.

"I guess I go help Bakura," I was about to leave him there (after all his wounds have been tended to) but he then grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his embrace.

I blushed, "What are you do-"

"Just relax," He purred into my ear while his arms were wrapped protectively around me.

Yes….he purred that…


	23. Special Dots

SS: XDDDDD I'm SOOOOOOO SOOOORRRYYY! I KNOW I TOOK THIS LONG VACATION BUT I TWASN'T FEELIN' LIKE MEHSELF!  
O.o for some reason I wasn't /gulp/ FEELIN' THE FUNNY/criessss/

Ryou: p.p well, I'm not sure why I am here…

Hidden-Emotions-x: v.v unfortunately your evil closet monkeys have ripped off my genial organs by now.

Angela: Yami no Malik looks like a cat from an angle? Probably because of his fat arse  
YM/growls while catching leery/

o.o you'd strangle me? (I dun keep track of who votes for who but you must have not voted for Yami no Malik, but unfortunately the polls are..:

Atem: 1

Ryou: 2

YMalik: 5

Yugi: 0

Malik: 1

YBakura: 2

I must take a moment to laugh at Yugi who basically has no part in this story)

Alicia's Home

Alicia

"Just relax," He purred into my ear while his arms were wrapped protectively around me.

Yes….he purred that…

"So what are we gonna do now?"

"I don't know," he blinked," I never thought that I would get this far."

"o.o Neither did the authoress, do you smell something?"

"No..wait….no……WAIT…I THIIIIIIINK…..naw…..uuhh!...no…….hmmm……

..sniff………shoes…NO!...macaroni….no….MACARONI AND SHOES!...na……..kool aid!"

I blinked," Kool aid? Is that even spelled with an 'k' "

"HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY TELL! I **SPOKE **IT TO YOU!"

"Your hat says it all, no wait that's your head!"

We blinked.

We sniffed.

We barfed.

"That was weak Scarlet."

"Yeah," I howled. "Whereas the comedy! The pizzas! The mariachi band who once lived in Florida but then ran into the deep sea peppercorns who decided to not lead us to the pot of gold in south jersey so that I may see crickets on ice (the musical) that is so very much popular with the children that I cannot even begin to imagine a world without parents!"

"Did that have **anything **to do with our present conversation?"

"Nope," I slipped out of his grip to walk to the door frame.

"Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going! (?)"

"o.o To help Yami no Bakura in his conquest over the pharaoh."

"Hua- I WANNA COME!"

"Sorry dude but you're injured and even though the authoress only gave you random cuts that couldn't possibly be held back by in the near future which this story will probably end up having you escaping to rescue me from a death defying incident which may result in some angst in the story unless the authoress decides to give me a happy ending but that's probably not gonna happen cause I stole her monkey shake."

…..

….

….

"WHY DO THESE DOTS KEEP ON APPEARING IN THE AIR? (!)"

"Dunno," I walked out, "but keep resting, drink your bodily fluids, and kiss my ass."

"Fi-…….wait…….no……WAIT…I THIIIIIIINK…..naw…..uuhh!...no…….hmmm……

..sniff………shoes…NO!...macaroni….no….MACARONI AND SHOES!...na……..kool aid!...no…"

_I shook my head in pity, what the hell is with him and kool aid? If that **is **the real spelling! By the way, any of you who have heard that kool aid can dye your hair;_

_It_

_Is_

_Not_

_True._

_That thing is PURE sugar!_

_Who knew?_

"Well well well," a voice mocked.

Looking up I saw the illustrious tomb robber standing in front of me with a knife and rope..

Rehab

Scarlet

"NO BRITISH STEREOTYPICAL WAYS!"

"N-N-N-N-NOOOOOO," Ryou managed a laugh as I the great authoress held his naked foot.

"You **cannot **drink tea! Or have tea time! Or anything else that you have seen on TV about Europe!"

_ Ryou laughed as the golden feather that took me thirty days and twenty nights to obtain through the gates of doom and forest of oi with nothing but the clothes on my back and a .32 shot gun at my side._

_I know nothing about guns so if a .32 shot gun exists …yay me!_

"BUT I MUST HAVE CRUPETS! OH SO MANY CRUMPETS! I MUST BE APART OF THE NAVY THAT WAS CONSIDERED THE STRONGEST IN THE WORLD FOR OVER A HUNDRED YEARS!"

"Uhh…..wait…..no.."


	24. I So Wannabe British!

Angela: o.o don't try to dye your hair with kool aid, my friend did it and had nothing but pure sugar in her hair while her skin was stained for 3 days. O.o you'd think they'd put something like that on the warning label! Acctually I know Ryou's backround! Whooo! He is from Japan, he just moved to another part of Japan (domino, I must laugh at the name) because people in his school started going to the hospital because of Yami no Bakura. 4Kids are just asses, WE MUST STOP THEM BEFORE THEY GET ANOTHER MARMASET BENCH!

(worship my word!)

AnimeLoverAngel: Rope….knife…..rope…knife…well he probably doesn't wanna **kill** anyone! DOWN WITH THAT PHARAOH/does a rap while tap dancing with my huggy stuffy bear/

Polls haven't changed..

Rehab

Scarlet (I'm so happy that I can take part in my story!)

"BUT I MUST HAVE CRUMPETS! OH SO MANY CRUMPETS! I MUST BE APART OF THE NAVY THAT WAS CONSIDERED THE STRONGEST IN THE WORLD FOR OVER A HUNDRED YEARS!"

"Uhh…..wait…..no.."

"But WHY? (!)," Ryou started teething.

_Yes teething, famous resources that are so well known that we cannot tell you, have told us (yes us….deal with your confusion!) that Ryou in dog years in only ten years old!_

_Yes…in dog years Ryou is 9 years old._

_No, I didn't just say ten, DEAL WITH MY CONFUSION YOU SILLY SLAPPY ELVES!_

"Alright," I started," now Ryou are you willing to become a part of my army that……..DRINKS COFFEE! (?)"

"NEEEEVVVEEEERR, BRITAIN IS ALL ME MATE!"

Ok, we're getting nowhere. Yes you! You're gonna help me, how? Well for starters you can tell Joe where the Blues Clue is but that is much too risky so what you should do /whisper whisper shuffle shuffle, waves a flag/

"What are you planning," Ryou thought out loud. " This better not involve the immense pain that resides in my abdomen gov'na!"

He knows!

Attack my pets!

Soon I threw water balloon animals at the 'Britain' dude. Yes, it is very much possible to throw water balloon animals at a dude from Europe. Do Not Question Anyone Named Scarlet.

"YOU ARE NO SAINT, SCARL-"

Even though Ryou was soaked head to toe (almost) a blinding light flashed while the authoress marveled at her crappy descriptions and thought about rehabilitation for her pet rump roasts.

I like to describe myself in the third person, ok?

I thought so.

Where is our beloved Brit?

Alicia's House

Alicia

Looking up I saw the illustrious tomb robber standing in front of me with a knife and rope..

_Damn me and my seemingly good luck of the Irish but unfortunately penguins and peppercorns do not love me because of that time I saw a small lil' greenhorn that waddled it's way to my home but unfortunately gave me gas because of their ripe beans that a kid named Jack was gonna use but I ate em' so now he and his mom must live in poverty in the homeless shelter in Seattle so that my cattle may squawk in peace!_

_Hehe_

_Squawk.._

Before I finished my thoughts the tomb robber (_why don't I just call him Bakura? Because tomb robber seems more insulting, Hahaha tomb robber I am looking down upon you/stares at a flying axe/_) held the knife up in the air but sooner than he wanted a blinding light that Scarlet keeps on writing cause she sucks at detail appeared before us.

_Although I think we all know that the transformation between Bakura and Ryou doesn't require a blinding light but once again this is fan fiction so kick back, eat a mongoose, and fluff my ass pillows cause you'll be pissed off at me WAYYY more than you are now!_

"Wh-Where am I?"

"Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, I'm Willy :D!"

Ryou perked up but then saw me and gave me a strange stare.

"What," I defended. "It's not like I give my identity to any random poultry lover on the side walk of Manhattan!"

"But, I don't like birds………," he twitched, "…mate! THERE IS SAID IT! HA SCARLET YOU CAN NO LONGER MAKE ME THE QUIET AND INNOCENT LITTLE BOY THAT ALL READERS PERCEIVE ME TO BE! NO SIRRIE I GRAB THE PRIZE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CERIAL BOX **WITHOUT** EATING THE CERIAL! I AM BAD, THAT'S RIGHT!"

"Enough being ghetto?"

"Just a little longer," he began to open his mouth to say more.

"No," I covered his mouth. "BE BRITISH BUT **NEVER **TALK GHETTO AGAIN!"

"Are you sure that was ghetto?"

"No, but what do I know I am a made up character who is created for the pure amusement of the readers to realize that there are psychotically crazy peeps in the world in order to keep them amused until the story ends and all is sad in the world until the pet rabbits decide to eat out live stock and fill our carrots with corn."

Once again he gave me that uncomfortable stare but I shrugged it off.

After all, whats a scrawny lil' wannabe British kid do ta me?


	25. Ryou and Scarlet, sittin' in a bree?

Angela: No one knows where Ryou has gone to /hand motions/ he is a mystery that only ze great Rod Sterling can solve! (and if the morken srrit's don't know he is the inventor (yes inventor) of The Twilight Zone – high pitched voice: nya nya nya nya nya nya nya)

And I have concluded that all hot Egyptians have purple eyes /nod nod/ that is the only explanation! And YAY FOR WHATEVER THAT MEANS :D!

Rockinmuffin: All I have to say to 4kids is – KKKHHHAAAANNNNNNNN! (and if ya'll didn't get that there is a famous line in Star Trek where the bad dude's name is 'Khan' and the guy who is head of 4kids is named Al Khan XD I heart irony)  
/Pokes Atem's hair/

Atem/blinks but smirks/

Well if I die, then you know how v.v

Other reviewers: I be so honored that you like meh story :D I heart you all!

Atem: 1

Ryou: 2

YMalik: 5

Yugi: 1

Malik: 1

YBakura: 2

o.o someone accentually voted for Yugi but I still laugh at him any way hahahahhaahahawaaahhh!

Alicia's Home

Ryou (yay change!)

_No one can tell me what to do you bloody popin' gov'na!_

_I know what it is like to be European and NO ONE CAN STOP ME! YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND RANDOM BITS OF MY SANITY TO REALIZE THAT I AM YOUR PROCUPINE TO DO ALL OF YOUR BIDDING!_

_I am soooooo British.._

_But for some **unfortunicity **no one can see that, HOW DARE YOU SCARLET NOT SEE HOW I AM SOOOOO BRITISH THAT IT IS BLOODY UNFAIR! You! Yes you! The reader! I reject you!_

_I reject you allllllll!_

"Wh-Where am I," I asked without any previous explanation to my feelings of where I am.

Oh Scarlet you are a scaly wag that you are.

"Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, I'm Willy :D!"

Alicia's statement caught me off guard which led me to stare at me with my new British eyes.

_Yes, British eyes are better that ALL of you!_

"What," I defended. "It's not like I give my identity to any random poultry lover on the side walk of Manhattan!"

"But, I don't like birds……," I twitched.

_Birdy beedy had a breed when she bought a new bee because she saw a birdie with a bree which made her think how to see but better butter was much better than the eye could see, Betty bought a new cow, so why is it that you cannot be a better butter person be?_

_BRITISH RYHME! EVERYBODY JOIN IN!_

"…mate! THERE IS SAID IT! HA SCARLET YOU CAN NO LONGER MAKE ME THE QUIET AND INNOCENT LITTLE BOY THAT ALL READERS PERCEIVE ME TO BE! NO SIRRIE I GRAB THE PRIZE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CERIAL BOX **WITHOUT** EATING THE CERIAL! I AM BAD, THAT'S RIGHT!"

_I am now a ghetto Brit._

_(A/N SS: you do realize that the people from Europe are probably gonna skin us)_

Not my fault you have no consideration for the British!

(SS: me? Me! You're the one who was talking ghetto and STILL claimin' you be British!)

You do realize that the readers will now skin us.

_(SS: screw the readers! When have they cleaned my room! Gutted my fish! And I KNOW not all of you are reviewin'! your just sittin' here and eatin' your pie while you read my amusing anecdotes!)_

"Enough being ghetto?"

"Just a little longer," I began to open his mouth to say more.

"No," she covered my mouth. "BE BRITISH BUT **NEVER **TALK GHETTO AGAIN!"

_She can't tell me what to do! Just because she is the main character who is madly in love with story book characters and apparently has no life but the without people without any life there wouldn't be any really cool fanfiction and I would like to see you all try to live without Scarlet!  
_  
(A/N that's more like it!)

_Shut up unworthy bloat!_

"Are you sure that was ghetto?"

"No, but what do I know I am a made up character who is created for the pure amusement of the readers to realize that there are psychotically crazy peeps in the world in order to keep them amused until the story ends and all is sad in the world until the pet rabbits decide to eat out live stock and fill our carrots with corn."

I stared at her with an unusual glance like most people in this story have done, what in bloody duck hell is she talking ab-…..I looked at my hands and noticed a knife and rope. In fright I dropped the items.

_Was my darker half in control?_

_Of course he was….darn him! …..Maybe that was a little too foreward with the 'darn'… o.o! I said it again!  
_  
"Uhh, Ryou? I be very glad that ya'll dropped the weapons thus eliminating the readers anticipation of you killing me or any other inanimate object BUT, ya be silent me wannabe British friend, shall I call Scarlet?"

"Wh-NO," I screamed like a mad man who just robbed an ice cream factory. "NOT HEEEERRR."


	26. AUTHOR NOTE PLEASE READ

AUTHOR NOTE!

Sorry loyal readers but I have to respond to someone –read the very bottom if you not emma.

**Emma**: Look I was NEVER trying to make fun of Ryou, he is NOT British he is from JAPAN he is JAPANESE! Kids are the number one money makers in Japan so 4kids (the company that dubbed yugioh) made Ryou British even though he ISN'T I don't know who told you he is but the American version of yugioh is WRONG if you look at the **correctly** translated ANIME of yugioh Ryou moved from another part of Japan- and in the MANGA it says that as well. I'm sorry that you thought that I was making fun of him but I'm not or at least that wasn't my intension- Ryou is one of my most favorite characters and once again I don't know what kind of dumb ass site or friend told you that he is British but that information is wrong because 4Kids likes to give anime character's accents even though they really don't. I'm not making fun of Ryou just the stupid mistake that 4Kids did to Ryou. HE. IS. JAPANESE. And if you respond about me making fun of Ryou EVER again or even if I get a flame about Ryou in any bad way I will INTENSIONALLY make fun of Ryou and just keep in mind that this HASN'T been intensional (note: I'm not making fun of Ryou just the stupid mistake that 4Kids did to Ryou because 4Kids feels that if someone looks different then they can't have a regular voice)- A WARNING! I only want a positive response (and SHEESH WOMAN! I've read storied making fun of my most treasured characters of whom I plaster on my walls and I dun bitch at them, the hell is your problem? I don't like arguing so**_ I _**(even though it should be you) am apologizing for what YOU thought- I am very sorry that you felt that I was making fun of Ryou but I have VERY reliable sources and people who can translate manga (and I even have the proof!) that Ryou is not British but once again I am sorry I am most likely being too harsh and I apologize for that and what you thought)

**OTHER READERS: you dudes know what I'm talking about- we all know Ryou isn't British please back me up- I need it and you can thank the person to whom I just responded to for not having a new chapter today but instead SUNDAY.**


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